Reactivity: How the Gospel Transforms Our Actions & Reactions
It's quite possible that no single cause bears as much responsibility for the polarization and tribalism among peopel today as social media. We see things we agree with so we like or share. We see things we disagree with so we mark and angry face, post a negative comment, or passively respond by sharing a post on our own feed that makes our point or counters the one of somoene else in our feed. And whether we do any of these or just internalize the feelings we experience based upon what we see, something negative is happening to us as a result. Which is why Paul Tripp's book "Reactivity" is such a gift. Though written with our social media responses in mind, in true-Tripp fashion, Paul get's below the surface to address what really going on in our hearts and the influence the grace of Christ can (and should) have. Here are twenty quotes from the book that really stuck out to me:
1
Reactivity has a loud, aggressive voice, rather than a kind, measured, thoughtful, and thought-provoking response. It's driven by the right to speak rather than a consideration about how best to speak.
2
Where the self-centeredness of sin lives and grows, true, productive, insight-producing, relationship-building, unity-producing, change-motivating communication dies.
3
Toxic reactivity says I have a right to my opinion and I have a right to express it however I wish… Reactivity is speakers or writers assuming a godlike position, responding as they wish. Their only allegiance is to themselves.
4
In its essence, sin is about living for yourself. Sin is driven by what we want, when we want it, how we want it, and where we want it, no matter what. It is driven by no greater value than my wants, my needs, and my feelings. Sin is by its very nature anti-authority and antisocial. At its core, sin doesn't care who is in charge and how others are affected. Sin shrinks the field of my concern down to my own desires. It’s me in the center, it’s me in control, and it’s me writing my own rules.
5
Here's what we need to remember: vengeful anger is always the result of some person trying to do God's job. There is one judge of the heart. There is only one who is able to mete out perfectly holy and just judgment.
6
Disrespectful responses seldom contribute to good things in the life of the receiver. These kinds of reactionary responses not only dishonor the receiver; they dishonor God.
7
It is important to remember that your Bible is comprehensive and not exhaustive. It does not tell you everything about every-thing. If your Bible were exhaustive, you'd have to transport it in five 18-wheelers to church on Sunday. There are many things the Bible is not a source of information for. But your Bible is comprehensive; while not telling you everything about everything, it gives you a lens through which to look at everything.
8
It is always the evil that is still inside of us that hooks us to the evil that is outside of us.
9
Your reactions will only ever go where your heart has already gone. So, a commitment to wholesome talk isn't first a commitment to a restricted vocabulary but rather to change at the level of the thoughts, desires, intentions, and choices of the heart.
10
Here's the humbling thing we all need to confess: toxic talk is never caused by the one you're talking to. It’s always caused by you. Likewise, wholesome talk is never initiated by the one you’re talking to. It always starts with you.
11
Healthy, mutually loving, and mutually serving relationships are not a human luxury—they are a human necessity. To be human is to be a social being. This means that isolated, self-sufficient, and independent living is not just a denial of my spirituality; it is also a denial of my humanity.
12
If I had the power to fundamentally change another person by the force of my anger, by the power of my logic, or by guilt, shame, or fear, then the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus would not have been necessary. Change at the level of the human heart is always an act of God's grace.
13
At its core the culture of grace is a Christlike culture. When the Bible calls you to Christlikeness, it doesn't then talk about Christ flipping the tables in the temple. It doesn't call you to take out a whip. No, it calls you to take up a cross and die to yourself. If your responses are in more of the flipping tables category, I am afraid you have misunderstood the ongoing plot of God's grace and your part in it.
14
If you see a wrecking ball in front of a house in need of repair, you know that house is not being restored; it has been condemned and is about to be torn down. Wrecking-ball responses to the sin, weakness, immaturity, inadequacy, failure, and wrongs of others never build. When we are being Christlike, we will never use truth in ways that harm. Yes, there are strongholds of falsehood that need to be torn down, but always with the commitment to build a beautiful edifice of truth in its place. Sledgehammers that tear down may be exhilarating to use, but you would never want to live in a home that was built only with a sledgehammer.
15
I often talk about the need to have our responses always seasoned with grace. But many people think I am talking about being nice, passive, or just letting things go. Grace never ignores wrong. Grace never calls wrong right. Grace is never passive in the face of evil. If wrong were right, there would be no need for grace. God's recognition of and hatred for sin demands that sin be dealt with, but his grace demands that it be dealt with by mercy and not judgment. Grace always moves toward others with the desire to respond in ways that are redemptive. Grace is loving, hopeful, patient, and forgiving. It is this spirit that shapes the way grace responds to wrong.
16
All of us have to deal with the temptation of selfism every day, whether that is getting mad at someone who has disagreed with us, or angry at the drivers who are in our way in traffic, or impatient with children who need parenting at an inopportune time, or envious that a friend is enjoying blessings that we would like for ourselves, or simply doing what pleases us instead of what God says is right for us. As long as sin still lives inside of us, there will be a problem of selfism in the Christian community.
17
Many of us simply hold what we think in too high regard. We are too proudly content with what we think—not because it's biblical but because we think it. We are too sure of being sure and we feel too right about always being right. We are too ready to have an opinion on everything and too ready to assume that our opinion is the opinion that everyone should have. We are too quick to assess that we are wise and surrounded by those who are less than wise. We love to hear ourselves talk or read our own post, while we impatiently tolerate the responses of others. Because we are too in love with our opinion, it is hard for us to be good students, hard for us to learn what we don't already know, and hard for us to hear from those who know more or better. We have forgotten the sad fact that sin reduces all of us to fools and that as long as sin still lives in our hearts, artifacts of foolishness will remain.
18
When you are in the center of your world and too in love with your own thinking, it is hard for you to handle disagreement.
19
Your values are always formed by what you worship. Your choices are always shaped by what you worship. Your behavior is always directed by what you worship. Your words, digital or audible, are always controlled by what you worship. The culture of reactivity is a relationship/worship problem, and confessing this is the only way lasting change will ever take place.
20
...as a child of God you need to quickly and humbly admit your limits. You and I have the power to change the heart of no one. If you could change the heart of another person by the sheer power of your logic, or skill with words, or stubborn persistence, or force of your personality, or fearfulness of your threats, or power of your position, or size of your influence, then the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus and the indwelling presence of the Spirit would not have been necessary. You and I are never the creators of change. We are only ever instruments in the hands of the one who alone has the power to create the only kind of human change that lasts--change of heart.
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